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What to girls mean when they say ‘Just be Yourself’?

“Actually it’s more of a filtering failsafe in that by socially mandating a genuineness in the general populace of men, women are more secure in the accuracy of their sexual assessment of men. If all men are Just Being Themselves and are encouraged to be the person they ‘truly are’, this then aids a woman in determining which man will best satisfy her hypergamy.”

Dead on. Game threatens girls because it makes it harder if not impossible to assess a guy accurately. And down the road when his faking it becomes making it and he’s fully absorbed the qualities he didn’t have the first 20+ years of his life, she’ll find it hard to believe he was socially akward when he was younger because if you’re alpha you’re supposed to have always been alpha.
“Just be your BEST self” is a better way of saying it. Is sitting on a couch eating pizza and drinking beer watching TV with no job living at home with your parents your best self? Fuck no.

What is High Value?

“I think it comes down to personal inner satisfaction with yourself. So like if you’re fine with being a front desk guy or pool boy that’s cool”

You got it. It’s internal, not external. The doctor who hates his job will be lower value to a girl than the janitor who loves his job with an intense passion. That’s not what social conditioning will say but it’s how it works in reality.

“But it’ll probably be a lot harder to be satisfied as an independent at this day and age compared to the other higher status fields.”

I don’t disagree but this is still internal not external. Why will it be hard to be satisfied? Because you don’t have a BMW? Because you don’t have an expensive condo? Because you don’t have an impressive sounding job? What are the purposes of having those things? The validation/approval of others when they see your BMW or arrive at your condo or hear you’re a doctor? Whoops now you’re doing stuff to seek approval instead of doing it because you’re passionate about it.
A doctor who’s passionate about being a doctor is very high value. But most high value careers take a lot of time and energy and mean less time and energy spent learning game and while being a passionate doctor is high PASSIVE value, it gets dwarfed by someone who’s got high ACTIVE value (ie – the guy who learned to pro-actively make girls gina tingle). In the absence of men who know how to make ginas tingle, yes, the passionate doctor is super high value. He just has to hope his girl doesn’t run into a guy who can make her gina tingle more, which comes back to either locking her in the cellar or learning some game so he understands that it’s not being a doctor that makes her gina tingle it’s his passion for what he does that does it.


You know it’s been internalized when you stop comparing your value to other men. When you’ve internalized it you’ll understand that other men are all, by default, no matter what anyone else thinks, lower value than you. This won’t make sense till you get there because you’re still caught up in society’s socially conditioned value system and figuring out where you “belong” on CH’s +/- charts and needing your value to be “justified” or based on some socially approved construct instead of just internally believing that you have high-value even if you’re penniless and 300lbs with a face like Shrek

99.999% people not having what it takes to improve

When someone makes fun of you or tries

to tool you, view it as an opportunity. Honestly, when you learn to just fucking laugh in their faces….you will realize how silly all of the ‘OMG AMOG BRO WTF’ zero sum thinking is.

Like, to engage you at all means you are viewed as a threat/challenge/contender.

A girl giving you shit is viewing you as a contender.

But when they do this, what are they hoping for?

To find another lame dude who buckles under social pressure?

To find another lame chode who can’t handle a WOMAN, of all things, giving him shit?

Dude, they want you to succeed.

They want to go “finally, another cool dude to hang with and be around.”

It’s hard to wrap your mind around and so yeah, it’s easy to think of it at first as ‘omg zero sum game everyone out for self!”

But it isn’t. It’s imitation. Can you hang? Can you not? if so, cool WELCOME TO THE GROUP, GLAD YOU MADE IT.

Most dudes are never going to get there, they don’t even know that there’s a there, there.

You’re in the game.

But it’s just a fucking game, dude.

From <>



but i also now understand that 99.99999999% of dudes DO NOT have what it takes to actually improve.

like, dudes worry about “omg everyone will have game now lol!”

and i’m just like nah.

most everyone will stay +/- 10% of where they are.

to truly change yourself takes willpower like you would not believe.

here’s an analogy. let’s take losing weight.

most americans are overweight or obese, so it’s pertinent.

there’s a huge amount of social pressure to be a fat fuck, just like there’s a lot of social pressure to ‘stay in your lane’ sexually.

so how much weight can people take off and keep off more or less permanently?

about 5%.

People who go from OBESE to just ‘thin’ are like….a 1/1000 proposition. (No i am not shitting you, that’s the real deal).

People who go from OBESE to “‘fit and muscular and ripped” (like me!) are even rarer.

From <>

I once had a girl in college tell me “You know nothing about women. You will never date. You’ll be lucky if some woman decides to settle for you and get married.”

I’m fucking proud of the fact that I lost my virginity from a cold approach – a chick seven years younger than me, still in college, that I met for 30 seconds on public transportation on my way home from sarging.

From <>


From Rollo

This. That I agree with. When I’m working all I see going on around me is the natural order of things – high status, well built, largely well dressed (or consciously dressed) men with a modicum of social intelligence pick up, Game and take home the most desirable women by order of degrees.

I’ve been doing what I do for almost 25 years now and by and large THIS is what I see in the field.

Witnessing guys with Game, who go against what you’d expect a woman would respond to are the exception. Very few guys run Game in the sense that PUA presents it. Fewer still make it effective.

I do see it, and as you may guess I’m fairly sensitive to recognizing it, even when it’s a “natural” running it, but it’s rare. When it’s internalized it sounds natural and there’s a flow to it when I’m watching a guy run Game, but I know what to look for.

Everyone may have +/- Game but how effective they make it and how often they run it makes it a pretty rare occurrence.

From <>

The upshot here is that most of the dudes at that level are fucking terrible at game. Like, seriously bad. Past “pretty good bro!” the main ROI with women is just upping your game and self-belief.

So if you’re just an average schlub then there’s probably an equal ROI to developing game and externals to that first extent. Like, having ok game is what will also get you the attention of some 7’s and drunk 6’s etc. just like the other stuff (and to me, that’s where a SHIT TON of the confusion comes from and the ‘bro just get to the gym’)…because at like level 1, it all looks similar.

From <>

yeah I mean, FOR ME all it did was reinforce “ya bro now we gotta go out and sarge it up” because it made me understand that

1) true change takes time and dedication

2) results are like a staircase, not like a smooth ramp….so just because you’re putting in the correct work and it seems like you aren’t getting anywhere doesn’t mean you aren’t, it’s just that each step along the way is like, lol idk, binary — so no matter how close you are to flipping a switch, you aren’t going to see the result until that switch is flipped (ex: learning how to get to the social hook point)

3) you can only grow by being BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself (this DQ’s like, so many alleged TRPers)

and like, idk, that motivation was super useful to me. because everyone wants to see you fail. I can’t stress that enough. Like, crabs in a bucket. So you need positive motivation.

From <>

Especially if, like me, you were also a fatass (obese) when starting this whole thing. I believe everyone who starts PUA should also start going to the gym. Not for the muscles, not for the strength, but just for the reference experience of how willpower can change your life.

The amount of people who can go from obese to thin and stay thin is….pretty much zero. Go look at the studies. Even less, the amount who go from obese to super fit. What kind of change is that, in terms of how people respond to you passively? In terms of your personal health?

If I had to guess, I’d say 2-3 standard deviations. Closer to 3 than 2.

So, to make that kind of change in your life takes that level of willpower. You pretty much have to unlearn everything with regard to how you eat and live.

And PUA is the same with regard to how you socialize. If you’re starting PUA, you’re more or less going for improving your dating life to the same degree.

Takes the same level of willpower. That’s why so many people wash out. That’s why so many people end up at sluthate.

The longshot isn’t that you could learn how to be much better. The longshot is whether you have what it takes to just go out in the field over and over and subject yourself to what it gives you — nothing but harsh truth.

You’re looking at between half a year to a year before you get any actual success. You’re looking at another year probably before you have a reliable skill set that allows you to more or less consistently pull the hotties. And probably another year before you start being able to pull off hero moves.

Show me someone who says otherwise and I’ll show you someone leaning hard on their looks/FAG (and when you adjust the chicks to their looks level, it won’t look so impressive)…or some other crutch.

From <>

Guy Mindset

I even went thru a solid 2 year plateau where I was disgusted by half the girls at the bar and didn’t want to waste my time talking to them but would have to to wing a buddy or build some social momentum. The irony of course was that I couldn’t fake interest in the ugly girls and they would pick up on that in my subcomms and to preserve their ego they would reject me before I could reject them so then I’d be getting shot down by a girl I didn’t even want to fuck in the first place lol

It was a VERY frustrating time for me but it was an important lesson to learn about genuinely taking an interest in people and giving value rather than just going thru the motions to get what you want and viewing people as “what value will I get from investing my energy in this person, is it worth it for me?”

Now I make a conscious effort to socialize with everyone, young old guy girl ugly hot rich poor high status low status, doesn’t matter, I’ll make them feel good just because I know now that it feels good to spread good vibes. I still fall back into bad habits now and then, especially at the start of the night after I’ve been working all day and I’m not in a fun social mood, but once I’m flowing out in field I’ll talk to anyone and make them feel like a special snowflake just because I want everyone else to have a good night too.

On Mystery’s VH1 PUA show he takes the boys to a bingo hall to teach them that they should be able to use their new social skills to make everyone feel good, even people they aren’t trying to fuck.

Step 1 is learning to make people feel special.

Step 2 is enjoying making people feel special.

Step 3 is believing people are special.

A lot of guys here post with very negative judgemental attitudes toward women that give away exactly what kind of success they likely really have when they’re out.

RSDJulien puts it best…to paraphrase: if you went out to a bar tonight and there were NO hot girls there, just ugly gross fat chicks and old women and dudes, and you weren’t allowed to leave so you had to spend 4 hours there: could you still legitimately have fun and make other people have fun with you?


What really helped me and started getting me more results was to take pressure off of myself. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but….I focused less on trying to come off like a player/pimp/whatever and instead focused on just trying to have fun with whoever I was with. Not even necessarily getting laid…like maybe take a number and hang out but nothing too aggressive.

When I let go and started doing that, -that’s- when more girls started thinking I was a player/pimp lol. Take the pressure off yourself. That’s really what outcome independence is all about. You don’t have to fuck this or that chick you’re talking to to have a good interaction. Just try to add value wherever you go and opportunities will start presenting themselves.

Early 30s, and all over. I’ve had young virgins (under 21) and older virgins (mid/late 20s). The older ones usually had some kind of bad experience with sex (usually rape) when they were young and have a shit-ton of unwiring to do to get them to be comfortable with sex. The young ones don’t have a clue wtf they’re doing and are huge fucking projects to teach and not worth the effort to me because it’s not like being a virgin magically makes them quality girlfriend/mother/relationship material in all other aspects.

Fuck a few of them and you realize they’re just like any other girls.

Yes x 1000. idk more and more convinced that not caring about this stuff is a huge edge in the game, judging by how many commenters here are all scurred.

Girl Mindset

A 5-6 wants a guy who treats her like shit because she doesn’t believe she deserves to feel good.

A 7-8 wants a guy who treats other lesser girls like they’re shit because she’s secretly insecure deep down and needs reinforcement that she’s better than other girls so she gets off on a guy who will call a fat girl a fatty.

But a 9-10 wants the guy who makes a random 4 feel like a 10, just because he spreads value wherever he goes, because she’s above the lower-consciousness mindsets lesser girls are trapped in.

Enjoy The Process

Also this is where you have to learn to enjoy the process like Scray mentions in his reply…like you have to have fun in approaching in general and going out and goofing around with people and making friends etc because if you only focus on the result, you’re going to be in too shitty/needy a headspace to GET the result you want.”


…is part of how I can tell who actually gets hot girls and who doesn’t when ePlayers talk big. Because if you hate people and hate socializing and it oozes out of you that approaching is work to you and that you think other people are beneath you and a waste of your time and girls are all cunts and bitches and guys are all assholes and chumps and bars are stupid and bouncers are dicks and women are sluts and EE girls are better and


…you just aren’t banging hot girls. Sorry. You can talk yourself up all you want and maybe you fluked into a pretty hot girl once by sheer luck or know one from high school you grew up with. But you aren’t regularly dating and banging them or even out partying with them. Because they don’t want to be around guys like that…no one DOES except other guys like that.

Base Your Confidence Internally

And if/when you lose those things (like scribblerg is going through right now after a divorce and business troubles etc), your confidence/self-worth goes along with them.

Whereas if you base your internals on YOUR value system and the things you have ARE the highest value possible, then you will be confident and entitled regardless of your externals or what society says you should feel about yourself.

Build a Normal Life That is Constantly Pumping Your State

“also, the main thing is that ultimately you need to build a normal life that is constantly pumping your state. like from when you get up to when you get off of work, your state needs to be constantly being pumped. but that’s more long-term. that’s lifestyle shit.”

This is the most important point. It’s just not real useful for hank right now. It’s also part of why I try to get guys to ENJOY to process of pickup and going out and sarging like Max in that infield, VS the Roosh/Krauser “it’s this horrible grind you HAVE to do, just suck it up no matter how much it drains you and makes you feel like shit ugh I hate this” vibe where it’s just this mud you have to sludge through lol

’cause if you ENJOY sarging then that thing you’re dedicating X hours of your life to that DIRECTLY leads to pussy, is as enjoyable as any other hobby anyone else has. You add a career you enjoy and if you have the free time then also add some other personal hobby on top of that (once you’re getting your dick wet and are out of the hyperfocus stage of PUA), and you’re skipping around on a cloud made of rainbows and gumdrops 24/7 lol

From <>

The Man Who Has Everything


thought I’d share with you something that has made a great difference in my inner game. Game discussions usually simply list a bunch of attitudes or behaviors to mimic without really explaining why these attitudes work or what they have in common.


Instead, start with the thought that the most attractive man to a women is The Man Who Has Everything (TMWHE). That is, imagine a man who starting with nothing, managed to utterly defeat all of his enemies, take all their property, and now literally has everything, and there is no possible chance he could ever lose it–the ultimate alpha male. Now imagine the attitude of such a man. This is the attitude that most attracts women because it is the attitude of TMWHE, and they are keyed in to detecting and responding to this attitude as normally it would indeed indicate that the man has had such success. The attitude of TMWHE explains why the traits that Game teaches attract women do in fact attract women.


First of all, having everything, TMWHE obviously is in no way needy or desperate. TMWHE has no need to supplicate. TMWHE is obviously confident in that he has no reason to fear rejection, and doesn’t need to care what anyone thinks about him (after all, what does it matter? He has everything).


TMWHE doesn’t act bitter, or butthurt.

All of the RSD concepts such as outcome independence, abundance, self-amusement, clarity of intent, and so on are the attitudes of TMWHE.

TMWHE finds women’s outbursts amusing. Why should he feel threatened by them or let them affect him at all?

TMWHE has no need for rationality. Rationality is a tool for achieving your desires, but TMWHE has already achieved all his desires.

TMWHE is jovial and sociable, motivated by enjoying his bounty and maintaining his emotional abundance.

TMWHE is a lot of fun to be around.

TMWHE is NOT an asshole! He has no need to belittle, or be cruel, or put down others–including women–as they are no threat to him.

TMWHE has little time for other people’s hang ups. When dealing with difficult people TMWHE will mostly just feel exasperation at having to deal with such a person, quickly dismiss them as a minor irritant, and look to getting back to an enjoyable mood.

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